A Victimless Story

            Imagine, if you will, a story with no victim. There are lots: new neighbours moving in, an uneventful flight, a mediocre piece of cake. While not all stories are neutral, or even fair, most of our daily events are victimless stories. Yet some people insist on having a victim in every story; they generally persist in being that victim.

            Sadly, for this behaviour to elicit the response desired, the self-proclaimed victim extends upon someone else the role of bully, violator, perpetrator of unjust behaviour. Suddenly the story changes; its tone morphs from neutral to negative, its people shift from individuals to supporters, it induces a name/blame/shame ethos. This is unhelpful and hurtful, as it affects not only the individual accused but all others within the community. It creates a vortex of mistrust and anger.

            It is unnecessary, and yet it is all too common. It is a person who regrets their retirement so blames their successor; it is someone who laments their ill health and so denounces their doctor; it is someone who fears diversity and so lambasts policy-makers.

            It is unhealthy for the one who believes this false self-victimhood to be true. It paralyzes them, trapping them in a constant state of lashing out in anger instead of reaching out in love, a reality of existing in shadow rather than living in light. It indicates that this person chooses to live in fear, neither trusting in God's grace nor in the truth of being made in the image and likeness of God. Self-victimization mentality denies the salvation that Jesus offers.

            More dangerously, it minimizes the reality of those who have been legitimately victimized, and thereby re-victimizes those unfortunate souls.

            In a society that normalizes self-victimization and entitlement, it is up to us as responsible adults and Christians to intentionally choose to not engage in that behaviour. Further, it is our responsibility to address (with kindness) those people who do engage in such behaviour, as to ignore it is to implicitly support it.  
            We can choose (for it is our choice) to respond to life's circumstances with compassion and dignity, rather than isolate ourselves and perpetuate our self-originated anguish onto others. We can choose to embrace our community, and both give and receive care and affection and support. This is what the apostles teach us in the Book of Acts.

            So I pray that we learn from Jesus, who at the moment of greatest legitimate victimization (by both societal injustice and individual betrayal) begged forgiveness for those who denied him. May we seek forgiveness, not entitlement; may we encourage, not accuse; may we embrace, not reject.  May we live in the light, upholding and supporting, welcoming new opportunities to encourage our brothers and sisters in the Lord. 

            May we joyfully create and maintain our stories without victims.

(We acknowledge incidents where people have been legitimately victimized; this blog is not about those experiences. May God bring healing to the victims, and open the hearts of the perpetrators.)