Missing Puzzle Pieces

         I like puzzles.

         This isn't a huge surprise to anyone who knows me. Case in point: currently sitting on my dining room table are a mystery novel, some new (and new-to-me) jigsaw puzzles (there was a sale!), and my crossword-a-day calendar.

         What I don't like, however, is missing pieces.

         A who-dunnit novel with plot gaps or that tries too hard will just annoy me (and sometimes end up the topic of a less-than-flattering conversation). A jigsaw with missing pieces is, to me, just waiting to be upcycled or recycled. (This summer I had a puzzle with an unintentional *extra* piece... and still feel sorry for the person whose puzzle came incomplete!).

         And crosswords - well. My new daily crossword calendar provided significant malcontent in its first week - there were missing clues. As the puzzles had been transcribed from their original publication into the calendar limitations, some of the clues were dropped. As much as 5% of the clues: absent.

         Sure, I could try to put together what the puzzle was meant to be from the other words, but that's not the point. Without the actual clues, I could not properly complete the puzzle. Frustrating, to say the least; and with the possibility of becoming quite a mess.

         Yet from that I pondered how often we do just that in our relationships: we put things together from our best guess, without actually having the necessary information. We fill in the gaps as we would have them, but maybe not as they are intended. And in doing so, even with the best of intentions, our inaccuracies can inadvertently create a mess.

         As I interact with folks, one of the things I say a lot is "Can you tell me more about that?" It's a phrase that I find helps to give me more information about a scenario, so that I'm less likely to fill in the gaps with my own suppositions. It's incredibly helpful as I continue to learn about people and traditions, and as we work together in our shared ministry. It helps to minimise the guessing, to reduce the chance of my own projection, and to better collaborate in whatever desired outcome is being sought. It shifts a puzzle into an understanding.

         I like puzzles, but not with missing clues; and as relationships function best with clarity and clear communication, "Can you tell me more about that?" is a very helpful tool.