It's a normal question for my
spiritual director to ask. We have a good connection; I'm so privileged to have him
journeying with me.
My response, however, was not normal. Normally,
I reply with some insight I've had when I've been doing my prayers - the
office, the examen, some revelation from sermon prep, something.
But this time, I took a deep breath,
held it, and merely stared at him. He stared back, eyebrow starting to raise.
Letting out the breath, I said "I'm just sort of
sitting with Jesus right now."
"Tell me more about that"
he said - another one of his normal phrases that encourages me to go deeper.
And deeper we went. I shared that
while I'm still praying my daily office (it grounds me!), life has been rather hectic of late: balancing parish ministry, my doctoral studies, then the
UNCSW, and Holy Week - it's been busy.
Often, my spiritual director will
encourage me to challenge myself to a new engagement with the divine -
journalling, examen, retreats, devotions - there's always another opportunity to
pray deeper. But, I haven't been doing that lately.
"I'm just sort of sitting with
Jesus right now."
The great thing about working with a
spiritual director who understands me and my life, is that there's no
judgement. He didn't offer a pithy "if you're too busy to pray, you're too
busy!" - he actually joked that he was amazed I wasn't napping in those 5
minutes!. He knows I've been praying, he also knows that life sometimes leads
us to a different style and format of prayer. It ebbs and flows. Right now,
taking 5 minutes at a time to just sit with Jesus is providing me with a
sustaining calm in the midst of chaos. It is as though peace is flowing through
my body and I am taking those moments to celebrate it, and reap the rewards of
it.
So: "I'm just sort of sitting
with Jesus right now."
When life is complex and confusing,
what better option can there be than to come to the one who offers us rest and
refreshment?
So how's my prayer life? It's great;
because I'm not overwhelmed, I'm just sort of sitting with Jesus right now. And
he's got me covered.
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